Yesterday, on the flight from Detroit to San Francisco, I read Geneen Roth’s new book – Lost and Found – Unexpected Revelations About Food and Money. The book is an eye-opening exploration of how the past and our unconscious attitudes about money can wreak havoc in our lives.

Geneen pulls no punches in the book. From “grovelling for dollars” to “Madoff rage” to the “specter of homelessness,” Lost and Found is a candid revelation about what Geneen learned by losing her life’s savings in Bernie Madoff’s Ponzi Scheme. The book gives us insight into Geneen Roth’s open-ended inquiry into her relationship with money, her unconscious attitudes toward money, her life habits around money, and how she has begun to free herself from it all through awareness & inquiry.

It takes a lot of courage to reveal so many personal and intimate details as Geneen has in her book. The gift of it for the reader is that we can connect with her and her experience in a real way. Lost and Found isn’t a dispassionate treatise on the effects and insights of falling victim to one of the greatest con men of all time, nor is it a tale of “woe is me.” Lost and Found is more a journey of revelation from a person responding to a “wake up call” from reality.

We are fortunate to have a person like Geneen Roth who can show us the beauty and power of bringing awareness and inquiry into all of our life.

(BTW – The magazine cover is wishful thinking, though
I hope to see Geneen Roth soon on the cover of Time!)

Years ago, I submitted an article to the Enneagram Monthly on point eight. Recently, someone asked me about my enneagram fixation (point 8 ) and I thought it might be interesting to post this article on enneagram point eight on this blog.

Shortly after the article appeared in the Enneagram Monthly, a man (point 8 ) from Atlanta emailed me to say that he started reading the article at work and had to go into his office and close the door for privacy. The article brought a rush of emotion and tears to him as it touched something deep in him.

Perhaps it will serve other 8′s on the enneagram, perhaps it needs updating or critique. You tell me.

Footsteps on the Path to the Pearl Beyond Price

I have lived most of my life under the delusion of point eight.

I would like to share some of my experience and journey toward becoming a human being. I want to talk about the enneagram – how it’s been useful and how I see it being used to perpetuate the incarceration of the soul. I want to address compassion, humanness & vulnerability, integrity, and the Pearl Beyond Price (personal essence).

Read the full article – The Redemption of Point Eight

On Saturday, a friend and I drove over to the Song of the Morning spiritual retreat center near Vanderbilt, Michigan for a 3-hour meditation. The retreat center is located on the Pigeon River amidst 800 acres of beautiful woods.

Song of the Morning was founded in 1971 by Oliver Black (Yogacharaya), a disciple of Paramahansa Yogananda.

J. Oliver Black was making a fortune as an automobile parts industrialist when he decided to give up financial power to search for personal strength. It happened after he met Indian yogi Paramhansa Yogananda, who is credited with bringing yoga to the Western world.

The 3-hour meditation was a breakthrough event for me as I rarely meditate for more than 40 to 50 minutes. As we sat in the second hour of meditation, my right hip started to scream at me. In the past, I would have changed positions to relieve the stress on it, but that day I found myself curious about the pain, the body and the one suffering. As the pain went through it’s cycles with waves reaching excruciating levels, I kept wondering about who it was that wanted to react and move. The body wanted relief, but what is pain?

As I continued the meditation at the Song of the Morning retreat center, I found it relatively easy to maintain my concentration through the pain as boundless awareness increased. I believe that most of the others meditating are followers of Paramahansa Yogananda in some fashion, though I am not sure how many of them are initiated into Kriya Yoga as taught by Paramahansa Yogananda.

When I was 19 or 20 years of age, I was introduced to Roy Eugene Davis, a disciple of Paramahansa Yogananda, through my friend Pat Yarbrough who now owns the Yoga & Rejuvination Center in Sherman Oaks, CA. Pat & I were both involved in Eckankar at the time. Eckankar was founded by Paul Twitchell and at that time taught “soul travel” as a means of leaving the body and traveling into spiritual worlds and other dimensions of consciousness.

Roy Eugene Davis, initiated me into Kriya Yoga. I don’t recall whether that happened prior to me reading Autobiography of a Yogi or after. Autobiography of a Yoga is a wonderful book and though it’s been over 40 years since I read it, I recall much of it. I think I will order a new copy and give it another read.

Here are a few books on spirituality I have read over the years that stick with me:

I would love to kiss you.
The price of kissing is your life.

Now my loving is running toward my life shouting,
What a bargain, let’s buy it.                         Rumi

Last night while meditating, my understanding of this deepened. As I was working with the Obsidian Samadhi Meditation,  I was moving into very deep space, but I reached a point where the dynamics seemed to just hover. As I explored what was happening, I realized that what was putting the meditation into a holding pattern was the element of self-reflection – there was still a me aware of the meditation – I was meditating.

As I pondered this, the reality of the phrase – the price for God is your life – brought new significance. God won’t take 99 cents – the price is the full dollar. The identity must go and self-reflection is a linchpin in maintaining our sense of identity.

This brought me to the identity impasse – one can’t do anything about this. We can’t do our way out of self-reflection. Surrender is needed, but we can’t do surrender. To kiss the Beloved, we have to sacrifice the kisser – again, something which can’t be a doing.

It’s a poser. What’s one to do? Hang at the abyss and let longing & separation have it’s way with us, I suppose.

The other day, I was at a Home & Garden Show in Petoskey, MI. I specifically wanted to talk to some plumbing contractors about water systems for the house. Northern Michigan has hard water, so I need to soften it up – just like me! I also want to install a reverse osmosis system for the kitchen.

The first “water” booth I visited was Culligan. I don’t know why, but I don’t have a very high opinion of Culligan. I remember when I had a system installed in our Park City, UT house years ago that I had a Culligan system removed and replaced with some other brand. There’s a vague memory of a hassle with the local Culligan people – maybe that is still lingering. Even though I have this Culligan “attitude,” I left my card for them to come by and give me a quote.

I proceeded over to one of the larger plumbing vendor displays and was questioning one of the men there about water conditioning and a flash hot water system. The fellow who was trying to help seemed to be struggling with his knowledge of the systems. I thought I would just take the 10 or 12 page catalog he had given me home and read it – but some other guy reached over and took it from my hands and said I couldn’t have it.

I guess it was the only one they had, but the manner in which he grabbed it from me didn’t sit well with me. I left that booth thinking – I won’t ever do business with them.

Leaving there, I stopped at a small booth that dealt only with water conditioning units. I asked the guy there – What’s the difference between what you sell and Culligan. He proceeded to give me an answer that didn’t answer the question – something around “you’ll get honest answers here.” I said fine, but you haven’t answered my question. He replied in an aggressive manner that he had answered my question and that he probably wouldn’t be able to do any better since I had an attitude.

This took me aback, but I said fine and started to walk away. I didn’t get very far when I stopped and said – what the heck just happened. I decided to go back and inquire further. Walking back up to the guy I said – “look, maybe we got off on the wrong foot. I’m not sure what attitude you’re talking about.”

It was amusing to hear him say something about my “pro Culligan” attitude. At least that is what he heard and it had put him on the defensive. In fact, I was looking for a good reason not to go with Culligan – though that seems unfair since I can’t pin down my objection to them.

I was aware that I had entered this guy’s space with my residual attitude from the plumbing business I would not use – obviously some of that energy was picked up by this guy. So, I found myself working diligently to not only work through the aggression and attitude this was up on both sides, and also to learn about the water conditioning system this guy offered.

Here’s the deal – I’m looking to spend $2000 top $3000 on water systems. This guy sells them and I’m not partial to Culligan. Do you think we finally came into agreement? I don’t think so. Even though he spent 15 to 20 minutes answering my questions and even though I left him my card and told him I would like him to come by and give me a bid – 3 days later I’m left with a feeling that I’ll never hear from him. It’s a shame because that money is almost in his pocket.

As I continue to explore this whole thing, I wonder – Is it ME or YOU? Some of each I reckon!

My brother-in-law, Iver, often quotes me - “Things Change!” It seems they have when it comes to time travel for me.

After 33 years working for a major airline, I retired with little interest in traveling. Now I find myself traveling back and forth between Michigan and California on a regular basis and time seems to fly along with me. I’ve also noticed that time flies when I am driving. Driving across country, down to Chicago, up from Detroit, or just an hour to Traverse City seems like just aother moment in time.

My experience is making me more and more curious about time, traveling and what is going on with me that seems to result in time flying.

One thing I notice – my mindset is often that I have all the time in the world. These days, I rarely have some moment in time, the future, tied to my travel plans. I get up and go and figure – I’ll get there when I get there. A 4 or 5 hour flight used to be a pain in the old butt – literally – you know those airline seats – not enough padding, not enough room, and not enough ergonomics for most of us.

At a 10-day retreat last year, I saw a friend of mine had a gel cushion that looked like it would be great for traveling. I purchased one and now travel through time with it. But, it’s not the extra padding that seems to be shrinking the time, aggravation, and effort associated with my traveling.

This new sense of ease and contentment seems connected to “being with” what is happening in the moment. In hindsight, my travels these days often seem trance-like – did I just drive/fly 5 hours?? I remember the details: working the crossword, the sudoku, listening to music, etc., but the time involved seems to have flown by or compressed itself into some intra-subjective wormhole of a space.

Perhaps one day this will all change again, but until then traveling is not as big a pain in the ass as it used to be, nor, it seems, am I to those who help me to travel through time.

Last week, I was engaging in some open-ended dialectic inquiry with a friend when she looked at a table and said tabling? We were discussing how everything in existence has dynamism and she through the ING on table to express that dynamism of the table.

Exactly! I said. The field of consciousness is actually tabling in that location. What we think of as a static, concrete object is actually as alive and dynamic as everything else when you view it from the unified field of consciousness in which all forms arise. Forms include thoughts, ideas, sensations, feelings, visions, objects and so on until you cover everything.

As our dialectic inquiry continued, our attention turned to various aspects of the ego and we threw the ING on ego to reflect the dynamism of the ego manifestation. We both noticed that using the word egoing to refer to ego manifestation somehow took the edge off the judgments and adversarial relationship that often arises when discussing ego activity and ego identity.

This naturally led our dialectic inquiry into a discussion of the self  and we threw the ING on that as well. Selfing is a very interesting way of manifesting consciousness in a particular location. Don’t you think?

Related Posts

• Non-Verbal Inquiry
• More on Non-Verbal Inquiry
• Misunderstanding Inquiry

<

Sunday night I was talking to a friend about her current relationship difficulties. Seems her current beau, let’s call him Jim, is very excited about her and is pushing for a more permanent relationship.

Tuesday morning another friend called saying she needed some relationship advice.

Don’t ask me why they think I know anything. I’m a walking testament to the wonder of how men can make life so difficult for so many. Over the years, I’ve managed to make significant progress, but I fear the grave may grab me before I compete the work.

Anyhow, my Tuesday friend’s current relationship happens to also be with a – let’s call him Jim. If I hadn’t met one of these guys already, my first suspicion would be that Jim is getting around quite a bit – these two friends live 2500 miles apart.

Two different Jims, same MO – social conditioning about the male gender model coupled with other assorted psychodynamic content and arrested development creating havoc in the present moment. The main issue with both Jims is that they seem to only be interested in their wants and needs. According to my friends, they both feel unseen and not heard. The guys seem locked in their patterns and somehow believe their happiness is happiness for all concerned – a little narcissistic if you ask me.

Of course I’m speaking from my history.

Both of my friends are concerned about hurting Jim’s feelings. Jims are nice guys, they just don’t get it. Jims are willing to change, but they don’t seem motivated to do so unless it means getting what they want. How much real change do you suppose will happen within such a confined space?

My advice to both friends was – What is it about you that keeps you in a frustrating relationship? What are you getting out of it? What are you anxious about – afraid of losing?

Interestingly enough, both reported that their relationship with Jim reminded them of their relationship with their father.

Men
Stop howling at the moon
Now that she has your attention
And you recognize your longing
Surrender to her silver mystique
Let beauty and mystery
Work a sublime magic upon you
That shyness you feel
Is only the surface
Of a deep tenderness in the soul
On the dark side of the moon
A blood red rose
Is blooming

Related Posts

• Intimacy
• Is Communication Key to Friendship?
• The Mountain
• Changers and Re-Arrangers

Why do we continue to suffer under the tyranny of blame, when there is a road less traveled that will lead us to wonder and awe?

Last night in a state of extreme fatigue, I made an offhand comment to dear friends that initiated a cycle of self-blame that would have kept me up all night if I hadn’t been so exhausted. When I awakened at 3am, the wheel of self-recrimination began and it would still be running if I had not taken the road less traveled – a road I have traveled for over 20 years.

One of the traps of the blame game is in thinking of resolving the situation or find some means for correction. I am not saying that corrective action cannot be taken and that learning and evolution will not result from it, but it is the mind’s compulsion toward activity that is the road most traveled. The beauty of self-recrimination is in its sense of self-perpetuating mental activity and emotional reactivity – on and on – the cycle of blame turns and turns.

As I lay in bed with the wheel starting to turn, I realized, once again, that engaging the cycle of blame would do me nor my friends, any real good. So, started to observe the activity itself, the emotions, the feelings and sensations. Seeing the mental activity, emotional reactivity as a familiar endless cycle helped me to see inertia masquerading as action.

This stuck cycle of blame is inertia in movement – round and round, going nowhere – keeping me stuck in some kind of sense of self that is tied to my recent faux pas and an endless line of connected dots in the past. A sense of self-hatred with a sense of gray lead emerged.

As I lay there, letting go of the need to “think it to death,” and simply experience what else was arising, the weight of the lead and the sense of self-annhiliation transformed my experience into one of a deep sweet peace where I was intimately aware of the love, tenderness and appreciation I feel for my friends.

From this place, offhand remarks that would keep me up all night are not possible.

Related Posts

• Inner Critic = Status Quo
• Truth vs. Saving Face
• Inner Terrorist
• Dream Work – Humiliation Dream
• Give Me THE GIFT

In Diamond Heart Book 1 – Elements of the Real in Man, A. H. Almaas elucidates his Theory of Holes. According to Almaas these psychological or spiritual “holes” are “disconnections” from Being which result in a sense of deficiency, lacking, emptiness, hollowness, inadequacy, etc.

The mind has some interesting ways of processing and organizing experience and information. Most of these ways and systems are binary in nature – either/or scenarios. As an example: when it comes to holes, we either identify with them or reject them. If we reject them, we usually engage in a dynamic of trying to fill the hole. In either case, we are still dancing with and identifying with the hole on an unconscious level.

I remember an experience that led me to greater understanding of this dilemma. I was working with an infantile structure where I was in a regressed state of about 3 months of age. The work with this “preverbal” or “precognitive” structure led me to re-experience my body as that 3-month old. My hands not only felt tiny and infantile, they appeared to be so to my eyes.

My world view did not extend far beyond “arms length.” A lot of my world view and experience was tactile in nature and involved my relationship to mother’s body – little grasping hands.

Many of the insights and understanding that arose had to do with biological imperatives and motivations – what would seem common sense to my conceptual understanding today. In that regressed place, the understanding was experiential not conceptual – feeling the immediacy, power and subtlety of my world’s (body’s) dynamism.

Coming out of that experience, I found myself in a very open and vulnerable and innocent state. As I lay in bed contemplating (savoring) the felt-sense of my inquiry and state, I felt the presence of a small boy at the foot of my bed. A boy of 4 or 5 years-old. I recognized this “boy” as a manifestation of my “central soul child” structure which I had been working with for 2 or 3 years at that point in time.

This structure includes a “hole” around “not worth noticing” or “lack of being of interest to the outside world.” It’s a subtle feeling and the closet image I have for fleshing it out is that of a small boy who could sit in a chair forever as the world walks by because his presence lacks the “interest” to attract the attention of the active, engaged world.

As I lay there observing this boy, who had become very familiar to me, I suddenly realized that all of the “interest” or “attention” in the universe would not fill up that hole. That hole was beyond infinite – 8 gazillion galaxies of attentiuon woud be less that a drop in the bucket.

As I studied that, the structure became more immediate to me. I saw that hole was really and truly bottomless. Imagine how much water it would take to fill up a cup with no bottom – NOT POSSIBLE! In fact, it is more than possible that the water would not even hit the sides of the cup even if an eternal, infinite stream was poured directly into the center of the cup - just passing through space making no personal contact.

Suddenly, immediately – I saw the real state of affairs – this boy (structure) would never be “healed.” The hole (deficiency) is the core of the identity (structure).

In that moment, I was flooded with kindness and acceptance. I had no desire to change a thing, but a deep appreciation of his dilemma – his suffering was his existence – to not suffer, would be the end of him. To me that, that boy was just fine as is. In fact, he was teeming with insight, sensitivity and much more.

I rolled our of bed (really did) and held out my hand to that boy and welcomed him into my living experience. I’m pretty sure I said – we need to grow up – meaning – our world view needs to expand.

All of this, which is much more than a hole or a structure, continues to inform my experience.

The short of it is – we cannot fill up these holes. We cannot expect things to change if we get what “we” think we need from the perspective of the hole. That need, the deficiency is what the structure constellates around. Getting that need met, nurtures and maintains the structure (though this may not be seen as it can be very subtle and unconsciousness).

Can We “GET” Real?

Related Posts

• Wanting vs. Needing
• Out of the Blue
• Why Affirmations Don’t Work

Links of Interest