The Abandoned Meditator

Does Meditation Need Me?

 Is your day ever like this?

I wake up. Lie in bed a bit. Sense, Look and Listen.
I get out of bed, go to the bathroom, brush teeth, put some water on hair and comb, splash some water on face…
Now it’s time to meditate. I go to the meditation chair and get situated. I do an Om salutation and I meditate.
My meditation practice ends. I rise from the chair, leave the bedroom and…

I had many of those days until I looked more deeply into the process and considered a different perspective. Here is the rub with that whole scenario – ‘I.’

Do you see it? ‘I’ wake up. ‘I’ get out of bed. ‘I’… I’m even meditating!

My whole day begins with ‘I’ and chances are it’s going to tend to stay in that groove.

Consider this: everything is already enlightened. This would include us. Perhaps we are not aware of this and this is part of why we meditate – to ‘do’ our part toward waking up.

meditator meditation sittingWhat is meditation?

From a dictionary: Meditation – the action or practice of meditating.

Note: there is no ‘I’ in that definition. Can action and practice happen without an ‘I?’ Every nondual teacher says so. Let’s take them at their word. Our ‘I’ automatically inserts itself into any action or practice. I believe I’m needed!

These days I think of meditation and meditating as something that is always happening, like enlightenment. In fact, I think enlightenment is meditating me. Every moment of my day, I’m in meditation – whether I’m aware of it or not. I’m being meditated from the inside out, the outside in and every other way possible.

Waking up, brushing teeth, sitting to sit – it’s all meditation happening.

The perspective of everything is already enlightened and meditation happening at all times helps to end the divisiveness that ‘I’ provides. With this, I can simply sit, or walk, or brush my teeth and let meditation do what it does. Meditation is more relaxed, more open to influence, more curious about mysteriousness.

It’s true – I still wake up, do those things and wind up in that chair, but each movement has less ownership by ’I’ and more inclusion.






ass meditator meditation

My Ass

 I used to have
The most obnoxious
Worrisome, and stubborn
It was a bother and burden
I would wish on no one
So, I could not
In all good conscious
Rid my self of it
Then, a Friend
Told me of a method
To break my ass
Of all its contrariness
So, I bought a chair
And every day
I made my ass
Sit in that chair
Oh! what fights and struggles we had
That lazy ass so resistant to ever
Going anywhere or doing any real work
Now, could not and would not
Sit still
But, my Friend
Had warned me of this stage
So, I persisted
In putting my ass in that chair
Ignoring all of its
Childish braying and petulance
Slowly over time
That chair
Responded to the weight
Of my ass
Molding itself
Into the only place
My ass was ever
Really relaxed and comfortable
I could not get my ass
Out of that chair
It refused to be
Anywhere else
So, I left my ass
In that chair
While I went about
My daily affairs
Until one day
My ass
Took me with it

































ass stuck in meditation

Continual Practice

 Going Nowhere Meditation

meditation chairOne gift of continual practice is that stopping and starting, beginning and ending our practice is no longer relevant.

All practice involves awareness and presence.  As we know, these aspects of True Nature are fundamental to experience. Attending to and cultivating awareness and presence is practice. What difference does it make if we attend and cultivate when we sit or move, in silence or in chaos, at morning or at night?

I used to think I needed to quiet my mind to meditate and practice – ha! Presence and awareness are just as much a part of both. When I meditate in this chair with the window open, what difference is it to me if a truck goes by, or people walk by talking, or birds sing or it is the middle of the night and dead calm? Practice is being with awareness and presence.

And, it’s not like there is only 10% presence in cacophony. There is 100% presence in any situation or circumstances. Practice is not to go from 10% presence to 100% presence because there is nowhere to go, it’s all 100%, but I may not experience pure presence as I am there to some degree. What I can do is bring 100% of me to whatever degree of presence I am experiencing and forget about changing anything.

If our mind is chattering, why not tend to the presence in that experience? If our mind wanders, instead of leaving that experience and starting over, why not simply tend to the presence in the wandering?

So as we learn to value not arriving, we arrive, for true arriving is a matter of not leaving, not departing. Usually, we are always leaving ourselves, always departing; and we think we are going someplace. When we try to go someplace, all we end up doing is separating from our true nature. We are always trying to find our true nature by going away from it. So inquiry takes us to the point where we simply recognize how we are leaving—and the ideas and beliefs that make us feel that we should leave. When it truly reveals its fundamental ground, inquiry teaches us not to go anywhere—because there is nowhere to go. – A. H. Almaas, Spacecruiser Inquiry

meditation practice

Think of continual practice as a river. As we move through our day, the river flows. When we sit, we are like a pool in the river. The water is presence, the state of dynamism doesn’t decrease water being 100% water.

On this planet, water flows according to topography and gravity. Water doesn’t care about obstacles, why should we? If we encounter an obstacle, why not be like water behind a damn – let our awareness of presence build in the immediacy of being with the obstacle. Eventually, we may discover the obstacle is merely presence, or the obstacle will no longer be able to hold back the presence or we will simply reach a point where we overflow the obstacle.

Why concern ourselves with outcomes when we can simply be with presence and allow nature to take its course?

Tantra of Everyday Life

Beyond Sex Tantra and  Tantra & Yoga in Everyday Life

I’ve been working with the Ridhwan School to help promote their upcoming 5-day retreat on Tantra of Everyday Life. My initial efforts focused on distributing the flyer and getting it posted on Facebook and a PR release.

The next step was working with others to help create this video interview by Tami Simon (Sounds True) with A. H. Almaas and Karen Johnson.

 Then I turned to getting the retreat listed on online event calendars and reaching out to blogsites with comments and emails to bloggers. While doing this I found this great article from 1995 by Swami Niranjanananda Saraswati - Tantra and Yoga in Everyday From the article:

In yoga we gradually open all the doors of our personality. Therefore, jnana, understanding and awareness, is the first principle, and sadhana, systematic practice, is the second principle or practical aspect of tantra. But we are not confined to a meditative process in which we sit and internalize and begin to observe the body, mind, emotions, nature etc. Tantra is also living meditation – it affects how we live moment to moment. The instincts that manifest within and control our actions and behaviour, instincts of love, desire, security, fear and sexual satisfaction, are all to be observed and known.

There are many misconceptions about tantra. Tantra is generally seen as indulgence, as a way of life which allows total freedom. But the practical yogic components with which we work in tantra in relation to our daily life are awareness and meditation. Tantra and yoga are complementary. In tantra you will find a very broad system which allows you to understand and accept your life as it is without imposing change. Rather you allow transformation to gradually happen as you become intensely aware of your experiences and expressions.

beyond sex tantraI also came across Beyond Sex Tantra by Tanja Diamond. 

My definition of the concept of Tantra is: “Tantra is the ultimate love affair with yourself and all of your existence. In the process of igniting your internal flame, you come to experience all ordinary moments as extraordinary experiences. Immersed in that experience, you realize that you are the divine, there is nothing else to need or want, but that moment.”

Only 3 percent of Tantra is even related to sex. Yes, you say, but sex is the part you want to learn about.

Well here’s the thing. You can not have a truly spiritual sexual relationship with another until you have a truly spiritual life with yourself and others with your clothes on.

Then I created another video and posted it on FB and the web.

 I suppose, like many, I associate the word tantra first and mostly with sex, Kama Sutra and such. I guess this is the the result of good advertising by sexual tantrikas over the years and the erotic and exotic attraction of far-east mysteries.

A. H. Almaas and Karen Johnson authored The Power of Divine Eros last year. I’m assuming that Tantra of Everyday Life will delve deeper into the subject matter of that book and take Quasar2014 attendees somewhere revelatory within themselves while keeping their clothes on.


Can LovehandlesHelp Parkinson’s Patients?

My friend, Florentin, is trying to raise over $40K for stem cell treatments for Parkinson’s. There’s a process for collecting stem cells from your lovehandles and using them for treatment that offers some hope. I don’t know what all Michael J. Fox has done or helped to prove or disprove, but we sre need more $$$ for this research.


If you have a few $$$ to spare, this is a great opportunity for a random act of kindness.


Mindfulness of an Empty Mind on Auto-Run

meditation awareness mindfullnessThis one is for Janice and Kathy.

I remember when external noises were a nuisance and distraction during meditation. Like many(?) or most(?), I used to think I was supposed to block out noise. What a hoot! Nothing leads to deepening meditation like effort and contraction. At some point, I realized that I can’t stop my ears and brain from doing what they do – registering sound and other convenient processes.

All (most?) of us have had experiences where we were so engrossed in something that all other activity seemed to cease. So the exercise seems to be one of increasing our absorption into ??? eventually awareness of awareness?

It’s interesting how curiosity does not have to involve thinking. We don’t have to engage the content of the mind with our minds(?). I noticed that for many years my meditation seemed to be linked to my eyeballs – always looking for something inside because I seemed to be located right behind those eyeballs in my head. What a relief to discover that those eyeballs, head and body do not contain, nor confine, me.

Imagine my pleasant surprise, one day, to discover that my mind could keep on thinking and planning without me having to be present and overseeing the process. This increased my curiosity about what was meditating – and that seems to be key – a real interest in meditation. Of course, this interest is not so much about understanding meditation with the mind, nor observing the process to improve it. The interest is deeper, subtler – more like our soul has an interest or the meditation has an interest.

All(?) spiritual teachings say that God, the Divine, Allah, True Nature, WHATEVER you name IT -  is right HERE , right NOW. Most, also assert, that the Divine is always in a process of revealing itself to us. That being the case why would I need eyes to go looking for it. Why should I need to work so hard. Perhaps I should relax, you know – rest and abide in attentive awareness with no thought of getting anywhere or finding anything – just hang loose in a relaxed way as traffic goes by and dogs bark.

It’s more pleasant now that meditation is not goal oriented. I meditate not for the pleasure of it or for gain, but for… hmm, my mind has no rational reason it can offer. The impulse seems to be coming from elsewhere – perhaps that other end of the candle where the Divine is burning through my veils.

Awareness of mindfulness – a mind with or without content.

The beauty of meditation is that all of life, even our thinking mind, can keep on keeping on while we tend to something much more significant.



The Paradox of Paradise

The Dance Between Heart, Mind, Reality and the World

paradise paradox loveWe’re in love and life is grand, majestic, full of light and… we often worry about the loss of love.

We’re in love, getting to know each other and STUFF comes up – and joy and pain are dancing in an intimate embrace.

We’re working through some deep wound from the past. It’s challenging, agonizing and yet, we continue – often with joy

Bliss & Joy are NOT Dependent Upon Circumstances

The heart dances to a different drum than our normal mind and conditioning imagine. In the world of separate entities, love is often dependent and tied to the past – unconscious needs and demands muddying the waters of current experience. Love becomes a shadow of its true nature patterned with blemishes, dark spots and holes.

Love cannot be learned or taught; love comes as grace. ~Rumi

When we begin the work, the return to the true nature of the heart – the heart rejoices in every step regardless of pain and suffering. The heart loves to be free, to be naked to its nature – transparent to reality.

Don’t worry about mending

A broken heart

Or wearing it

On a shirt sleeve

That heart

Is only on loan

When the Owner

Wants it back

He’s going to

Reclaim it


Of the shape

It’s in

Moving Deeper into Intimacy and the Sacred

My friends, Dixon and Valorie, partners in life and at Integral Partnerships, are concentrating some of their attention and efforts on working with couples interested in deepening the connection to the sacred in relationship.

Moving deeper into the realm of intimacy and divine eros via relatinship has been a conscious desire in me for many years now. Liberating Joy in Relationship is the first workshop Dixon and Valorie will be offering for couples seeking to deepen the sacred in their relationship. Part of the workshop will focus on how the inner critic can cause havoc in relationships and disconnect us from our natural state of joy and eros.

The other day, I was talking with Dixon and Valorie about one of my favorite sayings – “50% of something is nothing.” This speaks directly to how both parties can lose in compromise. In a very real way, most compromises result in each party losing something, especially at an emotional level. What I have found is that open-ended inquiry by both parties can open up each side of the dialectic in a way that an unforeseen option can arise where neither party is compromising and yet the situation is resolved in a very real way.

Many times, if not most of the times, our positions that we compromise are laden with baggage from the past and arrested development we would just as soon keep unconscious.

Take a look at some of the articles being posted on Integral Partnerships and if you have a Facebook profile, give Journey or Two a like.

The Value of Suffering

Suffering Serves the Soul’s Journey

Between flights the other day in Detroit, I picked up the latest issue of Rolling Stone with Louis CK on the cover and read this gem:

The worst thing happening to this generation is that they’re taking discomfort away from themselves… Louis Ck

Meher BabaIt reminded me of some ending comments and observations in this video about sociopaths – that our culture, more and more, supports moving away from emotional conflict through drugs. Feeling anxious, feeling depressed, feeling forlorn – take a pill. I’m not knocking the pills or that some people certainly need the support, but the point in the film and what I hear Louis CK noting is that average people are being seduced by big pharma that any emotional suffering is a good reason to pop a pill. Their message is quite a bit different from Meher Baba‘s – Don’t Worry, Be Happy.


 What do those that look beyond the suffering or those that understand the deeper nature of suffering say?

Until you’ve found pain, you won’t reach the cure
Until you’ve given up life, you won’t unite with
   the supreme soul
Until you’ve found fire inside yourself, like the Friend,
You won’t reach the spring of life, like Khezr (the green man) – Rumi

So to really deal with the issue of suffering, we need to understand reality. We need to go all the way through the process of realization. The process of realization, of understanding the truth, is a process of understanding and relieving oneself from suffering. There is no shortcut; there is only one way. What’s causing suffering cannot be surmounted, cannot simply be dropped, cannot be ignored, cannot even be erased by some essential awakening or realization. Suffering is a fundamental factor in our lives that has to be dealt with. We need a lot of study and understanding; we need to go through all the dimensions before we can exit the realm of suffering. Many of us hope we can exit right away, hope we can transcend our problems through spiritual experience. But unless we actually penetrate our beliefs and identifications, our life will always involve suffering. - A. H. Almaas

A Great day to listen to Bruce Cockburn and wonder…?

Give a listen

wondering where the lions are

Realization – What are the risks?

safety-not-guaranteedWhat brings people to the path? For most, it’s suffering and a desire to end the suffering, but that desire is at the root of the suffering. How can one end suffering by suffering.? I suppose the answer to that is enlightenment, but if the suffering ceases, then obviously the desire does too, so what’s left – enlightenment, realization? Sounds great! Sign me up! Are there any risks?

Perhaps there should be a warning label - Safety Not Guaranteed.

After all isn’t an ego death involved?

I didn’t come to the spiritual journey through a longing to be rid of suffering. In fact, the spiritual journey came to me. And it only took about .1826 nanoseconds before the Wheel of Samsara incorporated my interest, efforts and ambitions involving enlightenment and realization. Ah, the suffering – so sweet, so subtle… I mean after all – we are our suffering and who really wants to get rid of their suffering?

Our suffering is so ingrained into our identity, they are in fact the same thing. And the amount of energy we invest every moment (waking or not) into perpetuating the suffering/identity is really beyond our comprehension.

Of course, our surface suffering, the stuff we think we can do something about, is only the teeniest tip of a very deep system of dreams and disappointments that keep us buying the National Enquirer, People Magazines and watching TMZ.

Ya know, it’s just this little thing – we want to be around to enjoy the enlightenment, to lead the enlightened life we imagine – and that, my dear, is the rub – Safety is not guaranteed for that one. The price for God is a surrender of the  life of desire/suffering.

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